You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
