I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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