I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
