Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
