Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.