Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
