Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
