You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize