Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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