Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
