no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
there's paper in my vomit.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
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I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
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Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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