Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
