Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
