There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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