so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
