You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
