Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
