I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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