I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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