my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
