Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
