Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
