I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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