there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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