ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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