Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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