You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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