youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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