just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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