I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Your cock deserves a montage
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
