Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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