Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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