You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
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Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
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If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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