My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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