she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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