i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
