we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
