Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
