My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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