I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
