I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
