I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
