The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
