IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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