a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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