honey bunches of taint.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
