I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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