i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
