hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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