dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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