I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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