1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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