I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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