I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
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And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
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If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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