Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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