she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
