smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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