I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
