I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
