You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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