so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I need a burrito and a hug.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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