Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You can't special order awesome
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize