You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
