So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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