You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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