Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
