i think my mom watched the whole time
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
True strength comes from lack of pants
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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