Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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