Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
