Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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