so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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