Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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