if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
two words...techno handjob
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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