11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
